Dating is way too complicated – but these 5 tips from a matchmaking expert will get you started on finding “the one”

Violet Lim, the co-founder and CEO of Lunch Actually
Straits Times

With the influx of dating apps and mingling events – amongst other matchmaking methods that have popped up in recent years – dating has gotten complicated.

For the sake of those who are single and ready to mingle, but are not sure how to start, Business Insider decided to take it to the expert to help simplify things.

We picked up some tricks from Violet Lim, the co-founder of matchmaking agency Lunch Actually, during an interview at her Cuppage Road office on Monday (Oct 2).

Lunch Actually was one of the first companies to introduce the idea of lunch dating in Singapore, and has since expanded to include an online dating app as well as a hybrid option of both online and offline dates.

Despite the increasingly digital nature of dating, with apps like Tinder dominating the mobile space, Violet is still a strong believer in converting online conversations into offline ones.

“I feel that it’s a waste of time when you spend weeks or months talking to someone and you don’t even meet”, said Violet. 

“After all, if a guy is spending time with you all weekend, he cannot be doing it with 10 other girls. But if he is just texting you every weekend, he could also be doing that with 10 other girls.”

She’s definitely got a point there.

The dating expert and modern matchmaker also had a few tips for singles looking to get into a serious relationship.

Dating is a numbers game

While some may be waiting for serendipity – the dreamy moment when you turn a corner and bump into the love your life – that moment may never come.

“You need to go out and meet people. The guy or girl for you is not going to drop from the sky,” says Violet.

When you look at the numbers, you need to go out on dates until you meet the right person.

To put things in perspective, if you meet 10 people, you might agree to go on a first date with four. From there, you could end up going on a second date with only two of them, and hopefully one of those two works out.

But if you only meet one or two people, the odds of finding “the one” is greatly diminished.

Have clear objectives and motives

Not everyone is looking to date seriously, and that is okay, she says.

But it is important to be on the same page as your date from day one.

Be upfront about what you are looking for – be it a casual relationship or a serious one – so that it doesn’t lead to misunderstandings down the road.

Try everything

With online dating apps, websites, and offline events being held for singles, it is important to figure out the platform that best suits your needs.

Violet recommends “starting out with a combination of both online and offline options”.

Different platforms have different advantages, and of course, different kinds of reputation as well.

If you’re open to talking about your dating life with your friends, you can even ask them about their experiences on the different mediums.

“Don’t be afraid to try out as many platforms as necessary”, says Violet.

After all, what do you have to lose?

Get feedback 

Often, singles don’t set up the best profiles of themselves.

And that is when friends and family come in.

Share your profile with your friends or family to get feedback on how you could improve on it – and don’t just share it with those “who will only give good comments. Ask the more critical ones too”.

If you aren’t comfortable with sharing your dating life with your loved ones, read up on the do’s and don’ts of online dating profiles.

Set realistic expectations

It is common to score people that you meet, on a scale from one to 10, based on attractiveness or ‘date-ability’.

Let’s say that someone who scores a 10 is very attractive, while someone who scores a one is nearly repulsive.

Most of the time, people look for someone with a higher number than themselves. So if you’re a seven, chances are you’re looking for a partner who’s an eight or a nine.

But of course, realistically speaking, if everyone thinks that way, no two people will ever get together. So it’s simple really, either “expand your search radius” or “improve yourself to move up a number”.

Sometimes, it’s the small tweaks that make all the difference.

Also, you could also inspire each other to become the best version of yourselves over time anyway.

One thing though – while flexibility is great when getting into a relationship, it is also important to know what you want.

Violet suggests coming up with a list of three must-haves or deal breakers to guide your selection in the dating process.

Good luck!