38 funny, low-pressure Valentine’s Day gifts for every relationship level

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Etsy

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Etsy

  • Unfortunately, you don’t get to pick when exactly in a relationship you celebrate Valentine’s Day.
  • If it’s still early days or you’re looking for a low-key gift that’s equal parts funny and thoughtful, we’ve curated 38 gifts that hang in the balance.
  • Below, you’ll find 38 low-pressure gifts for every relationship level and budget.

Valentine’s Day gifts can pose a unique challenge.

Depending on the recipient (or how long you’ve been seeing them), the traditional gifts of diamonds, surprise trips to Paris on private jets, and nightmarishly huge teddy bears may be a bit too enthusiastic. For those looking for no-pressure Valentine’s Day gifts, humor is the guiding light. You can pay homage to inside jokes, your favorite internet memes, and convey affection without slathering it on too thick.

Below are a few of the most clever – but still useful – gifts you’ll find on the internet. Your recipient will feel cared for, and you won’t have to poll friends last-minute to find a companion for an all-expenses-paid couples vacation to the Bahamas either.

The top 5 best low-pressure Valentine’s Day gifts:

  1. Showing up to their place with cute mimosa glasses, plus all the fixings
  2. White Walker-inspired alcohol for the religious GoT fan
  3. Nathan W. Pyle’s “Strange Planet” cartoon book
  4. A hot sauce subscription to keep things spicy all year long
  5. A date night bucket list for spontaneous future dates

Below are 38 funny Valentine’s Day gifts to give this year:


Nathan W. Pyle’s “Strange Planet” cartoons

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Amazon

Strange Planet by Nathan W. Pyle, available on Amazon, $8.99

If your main form of Instagram contact is sending Nathan W. Pyle’s (@nathanwpylestrangeplanet) ingenious cartoons of aliens observing human customs and emotions – including love – then you can stop here.


What’s been called the world’s strongest coffee

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Amazon

Death Wish Ground Coffee, available on Amazon, $19.96

Death Wish claims to be the world’s strongest coffee, with about double the caffeine of your average cup – and it should satisfy even the most extreme caffeine requirements for your partner. They attribute the added kick to a unique blend of Arabica and Robusta beans and a slow roasting process. It’s Fair Trade, has no additives, and makes a pretty good cup of coffee.


A brownie pan that only makes edge pieces

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Amazon

Baker’s Edge Nonstick Edge Brownie Pan, available on Amazon, $36.95

This is the 21st-century replacement for the phrase, “The greatest thing since sliced bread.” With it, they’ll get the chewy brownie piece every single time.


Fondue mugs

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Amazon

Kovot Personal Fondue Mugs, Set of 2, available on Amazon, $14.95

Miniature, personal-sized fondue – grab a couple long candles and a checkered table cloth and you’ve got romance.


Snoop Dogg’s first-ever cookbook: ‘From Crook to Cook’

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Urban Outfitters

From Crook to Cook: Platinum Recipes from Tha Boss Dogg’s Kitchen By Snoop Dogg, available on Urban Outfitters, $24.95

Snoop Dogg’s first cookbook is a new household treasure, featuring 50 of his favorite recipes from baked mac and cheese to filet mignon.


Generous instructional mimosa glasses

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Uncommon Goods

Mimosa Diagram Glassware, Set of 2, available on Uncommon Goods, $38

Forget sit-down restaurants and filet mignon. Bring over the bottles of Champagne and orange juice and have yourself the kind of brunch that requires a three-hour nap afterward.


A punny Kevin Malone card

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Etsy

Netflix and Chilli Valentine’s Day Card, available on Etsy, from $4.06

The perfect card doesn’t exi-


A spontaneous Date Night bucket list

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Uncommon Goods

Date Night Bucket List, available on Uncommon Goods, $18

It’s a cute present, but the best gift is knowing neither of you will actually have to decide what to do for at least the next dozen date nights.


A nightmare storybook about tinder

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Amazon

Tinder Nightmares by Elan Gale, available on Amazon, $8.89

Aren’t you glad you don’t have to live through these anymore?


A binge-watching survival kit for the next Netflix rabbit hole

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Pinch Provisions

Pinch Provisions Binge-Watching Survival Kit, available on Pinch Provisions, $20

This binge-watching survival kit is especially perfect for the next time you and your partner are up to your chins in a grueling Netflix marathon.


A bouquet of salami

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Food52

Olympia Provisions Salami Bouquet, available on Food52, from $50

A bouquet of meat is nearly always preferable to a bouquet of flowers.


A cookbook for hungover mornings

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Amazon

The Hungover Cookbook, available on Amazon, $7.29

After a late night out, there’s nothing like making brunch together as you simultaneously recoil from sunlight.


Memes made from classic art

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Urban Outfitters

Classic Art Memes By Gemma Cooper, available on Urban Outfitters, $12.95

For the person you share the widest meme vocabulary with, a dedicated coffee-table book full of the best jokes hidden in classic art.


A chiseled corkscrew holder

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CB2

Marco Marble Bottle Stopper, available on CB2, $19.95

For the art fan or the fan of classically chiseled Greek gods, this clever corkscrew is a fun and low-key gift.


A hot sauce subscription

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Food52

Small-Batch Quarterly Hot Sauce Subscription, available on Food52, $120

Make it spicy all year long with a subscription to gourmet, small-batch hot sauces.


A smart WiFi plug

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Amazon

Amazon Smart Plug, available on Amazon, $24.99

What’s a greater gift than the power to control your devices without leaving the couch?


A shower wine glass holder

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Urban Outfitters

Sipski Shower Wine Glass Holder, available on Urban Outfitters, $18

A shower holder for a glass of wine is one of the most unique – and oddly thoughtful – gifts you can give, especially for anyone whose ideal night includes a bath bomb.


‘Game of Thrones’ alcohol

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Drizly

Johnnie Walker White Walker Blended Scotch Whisky, available on Drizly, from $39.99

In case you missed it, Drizly is selling “Game of Thrones” alcohol, and the staff pick is this White Walker-inspired blended scotch whiskey. For as little as $29.99, you can secure the title of Best Partner of the Year with 10 months to spare in 2019.


A cute, funny toy for their dog

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CB2

Hand Knit Hot Dog Toy, available on CB2, $20

If they’re singlemindedly devoted to their dog, you may be best off getting the dog a Valentine’s Day gift – especially if it looks like a giant hot dog. It’s low-key, but it’s thoughtful. Just expect a lot of pictures.


A calendar of tiny fur creatures in mini human sweaters

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Amazon

Baby Animals in Sweaters 2019 Wall Calendar, available on Amazon, $12.82

Who doesn’t love furballs rolled into inconceivably mini sweaters?


Plates that acknowledge eating with a beard

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Uncommon Goods

Food In My Beard Face Plates, available on Uncommon Goods, $25

Even if you love dating someone with a beard – or having one – you’ve probably noticed that they have the same success rate of trapping food as a Venus Flytrap. Know somebody with a Civil War, Lumberjack, or 19th-century Russian author beard who’s known to take a few accidental morsels home with him? Say no more.


A hanging sloth planter

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Urban Outfitters

Sloth Hanging Planter, available on Urban Outfitters, $18

For the sloth-, planet earth-, or animal-loving partner, you can’t go wrong with a novelty hanging planter that – even if it was real – wouldn’t be able to move away much faster.


A funny parody cookbook for ‘Fifty Shades of Chicken’

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Amazon

Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook, available on Amazon, $12.79

Edgy, boundary-pushing, and avant-garde: It’s the Fifty Shades parody cookbook. Grab it and a bottle of wine and stay in to make Valentine’s Day dinner.


An anatomically correct heart

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Amazon

Heart Plush Figure, available on Amazon, $22.99

If you can’t – or don’t want to – say it with flowers and chocolates, give an anatomical version of your heart.


A personalized saint candle

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Etsy

Personalized Saint Candle, available on Etsy, from $25.50

You call your partner a saint a million times per year. Make it official.


Socks that look like they’re edible

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Food52

Little Food Socks, available on Food52, from $26

Socks that look like food. That’s it, that’s the gift.


A practical but nonetheless heartwarming card

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Amazon

Dwight Schrute Anti-Love Card, available on Amazon, $5

He has a point.


A giant keepsake of your likeness

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Amazon

Big Heads Cardboard Cutout (3-ft), available on Amazon, from $44.99

This terrifying cardboard cutout has all the dazzle and grandiosity of a surprise flight to Paris, with the low price that fits a shoestring budget and/or a new relationship.


A mini waffle maker

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Urban Outfitters

Mini Waffle Maker, available on Amazon for $9.99 and Urban Outfitters, from $18

Perfect for a cute breakfast for one or minimal clean-up for two. There’s also a sweetheart version available for $58 on Food52 if you’d prefer waking up to heart-shaped waffles. And if you’re really committing, there’s also an “I love you a waffle lot” card on Etsy.


An emergency stash of candy

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Etsy

In Case of Emergency Break Glass Chocolate Box, available on Etsy, from $19.99

For the everyday emergencies like stalled subway rides, you can be there with the catharsis of an emergency candy stash.


A punny novelty spoon

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Etsy

Let’s Spoon Forever Hand Stamped Vintage Silver Spoon, available on Etsy, $18

Cute, succinct, functional, and goes well with a family-sized box of their favorite cereal.


An adorably geeky mug

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Etsy

I Think of You Periodically Mug, available on Etsy, $13.50

Put a smile on their face during their morning coffee routine with this forgivably punny mug.


A gift card they have to smash a brick to get ahold of

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Man Crates

Smash and Grab Gift Card, available on Man Crates, from $79.99 (includes $50 gift card)

Give your partner the freedom of a gift card but the fun of smashing through a brick to get to it. Once demolished, they can choose between a host of stores for the gift card to be redeemable at. Find the full list of options here.


A punny poster

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Society6

Olive You Print, available on Society6, $23.99

Say it with your favorite cocktail garnish.


A print of animals that mate for life

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Uncommon Goods

Mates For Life Print, available on Uncommon Goods, from $30

Grab a print of creatures that mate for life. If you’re looking for something more casual, there’s another version on Society6 for $20 to check out.


Cute punny llama socks

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Target

Women’s Valentine’s Day Llama Crew Socks, available at Target, $4

Cheap, punny, and unexpectedly sweet. Plus, Target has an order online and pick-up in store option that may get you gifts sooner.


Soaps made from wine

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Uncommon Goods

Wine Soaps, Set of 4, available on Uncommon Goods, $30

These all-natural vegan soaps blend the notes from popular red and white wine varieties with complementary scents and oils.


A shower of kisses

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Amazon

Hershey’s Kisses Valentine’s Milk Chocolate Caramel, available on Amazon, $9.35

Shower them with kisses – chocolate caramel Kisses, that is. None of us are above a good pun when it comes to holidays – especially sentimental ones.