- Flickr / Roger Salz
These days, many couples live together, sleep together, and spend a lot of time getting to know each other before their wedding day. And still, getting married is more than just a symbolic step – it can change a lot.
To learn more about those potential changes, we checked out a Reddit thread where hundreds of people posted about the biggest ways their relationship changed after marriage – and how they adjusted. Some of those changes are more superficial (one Redditor posted about getting used to wearing a wedding ring); others go deeper.
We pulled out the most compelling and most surprising responses, so you can know what to expect if you’re thinking about tying the knot.
Combining bank accounts
- Getty Images / Karen Hatch
“We lived together before getting married but still had separate bank accounts,” says killary. “We merged them when we married and it was very strange for a while.”
magictravelblog added, “It is a bit odd the first time you view your bank transactions and see some other person doing stuff.”
‘My husband started referring to me with other people as “my wife”‘
- Kevin Stanchfield/Flickr
trickyone writes, “Silly I know, but it shock[ed] me harder than anything.”
‘You talk about money. A lot.’
we_are_sex_bobomb says they struggled early on in their marriage to make ends meet:
“I realized pretty quickly that I was going to have to let her help me manage the money and I couldn’t do [it] all myself. That was extremely difficult for me, having been single for a long time. I never would have imagined that just sharing your monthly budget with someone could require so much trust and humility but for me it did.”
You realize you’re stuck together
- Taylor Johnson/Flickr
ascua writes, “The most instantly practiced change was that when my husband would do something cheeky, lovable and embarrassing he would put on his best shit eating grin, waggle his wedding ring at me and say ‘too late’.”
People start nagging you about having kids
- Mats Lindh/Flickr
“Everyone stopped with the constant god—n nagging about when we were gonna get married already,” says HarrumphingDuck. “They started asking about kids instead.”
‘You’re thinking for two’
“The biggest change for me was not having the freedom to just walk out the door and do what I please,” writes kakakatie.
“Don’t get me wrong, if I want to go out – I can, but now I consider what he wants to do, do we both want to go out? Should we part ways for a few hours or is this a stay-at-home netflix kind of night? These type of thoughts are now a part of your every day life, you’re thinking for two, not just yourself anymore. The decisions you make [a]ffect you both now. That in itself can take some major adjusting.”
You’re more willing to have uncomfortable conversations
- Greg Burkett/Flickr
“Small niggling annoyances become more significant once you start thinking ‘this is how it’s going to be every single day until I die.’ This can cause discussions to be had about small things like tone of voice, snippiness etc that you may not even notice while dating. Once you start thinking about being together for decades you become more willing to get into awkward conversations if they’re going to contribute to the long term health of your relationship.”
You may have more — or less — sex
PhaustyFrosty, for example, writes, “The Sex. It only gets BETTER. After years of dating then getting married you feel so comfortable now with talking with your partner about every fantasy you’ve ever had.”
‘Your mindset changes from “Is this going to work?” to “How do we make this work?”‘
A since-deleted user wrote, “That’s it. It’s both a small change and a huge change at the same time.”