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- Breakups are hard, but telling people about a breakup can be even harder.
- Before you tell people about your breakup, it’s important to take as much time as you need to process how you’re feeling.
- Be mindful of who you share the details of your breakup with, and for those you feel uncomfortable confiding in, come up with a general statement that’s cautious and discrete.
If there’s anything worse than experiencing a breakup, it’s having to talk about it. At first, you might keep the reasons behind your decision to part ways private. Eventually, however, – be it through a change in relationship status on Facebook or word of mouth – family and friends are bound to find out about your recent split.
But just because your friends come bearing pints of ice cream and boxes of tissues, ready to discuss such current events, doesn’t mean you have to be.
Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, a licensed clinical psychotherapist, relationship expert, and author of the new book “Training Your Love Intuition” told INSIDER that when you first break up, your emotional needs come first. In other words, allow yourself time to process and understand how you’re feeling, why you feel it, and then, when you’re able to approach the subject without bursting into tears, or experiencing fits of anger, you can talk about the breakup calmly and rationally, Wish explained.
Figuring out the best way to talk about a breakup starts by getting to know your audience
If you think you’d benefit from a little comfort and support in that moment, you’re entitled to that, certified dating and relationship coach, and the founder of LoveQuestCoaching.com, Lisa Concepcion said. However, just be mindful of who you confide in off the bat.
“While it’s good to seek out support be mindful of who you tell,” Concepcion told INSIDER. “That’s as important as when. Allow yourself a month. Have one trusted person for support. Then trust your gut.”
Remember that your co-workers, not to mention a decent handful of social media followers, probably aren’t as familiar with the ins and outs of your relationship the way best friends and family members are. On one hand, this can be a plus as those closest to you know your situation because they’ve likely experienced the lows and highs with you. Then again, because these people are so on-target, there’s always a chance they’ll play the “I told you so” card.
“[Your family/friends] are the first to notice changes in your mood, attitude, or personality and are mentioning things based on seeing these changes,” so you have to be prepared for the harsh truth that might be coming your way, behavioral scientist, relationship coach, and the creator of Your Happiness Hypothesis Method: Breakup Recovery, Clarissa Silva told INSIDER.
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In other words, if they saw the warning signs before you did, make sure you’re in the right mindset before talking about your breakup, because chances are you’ll be hearing about them.
Whether you’re talking with friends and family, or coworkers, remember that less is usually more
It’s normal to lash out or reveal personal, potentially ugly details about your ex in the heat of the moment, but bestselling author/relationship expert, Susan Winter said the best way you can go about explaining a breakup to someone is with caution and discretion. It might feel good to vent out your frustrations, but the less you say, the quicker you can move on from the subject altogether, and the less likely you are to say something that you’ll regret.
“Take note of the protocol well-managed Hollywood celebrities have used in stating their romantic endings positively,” Winter suggested. “These statements are brief, and show respect for the ex while stating they are no longer a couple and have gone their separate ways.”
Something along the lines of “after [insert amount of years here] we decided it was time to go our separate ways. It’s sad when deep connections like this end and I’m taking time to reflect on all of it. I love you all for caring about me,” is simple enough, but puts an emphasis on the fact that you appreciate their support, but need time to work through things on your own, Concepcion said.
How you tell people about a break up really does depend on who you’re talking to, where the discussion is taking place, and how comfortable you are confiding in them. Of course, you can allow yourself a little more leeway with people you’re close to and trust, but this kind of statement works well for people you may not know as well or who you both have to interact with.
Narrowing your experience down to a blanket statement that is both respectful to your feelings, to your ex, and the relationship itself should suffice in most cases, but evaluate the circumstances for yourself. You know who you can and can’t trust among your circle, so approach the conversation as you see fit.
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