- Your partner’s body language can reveal a lot about your skill at kissing.
- There are many signs you could be bad at kissing, but the way you and your partner respond can be the most telling.
- From pulling back their head to gasping for breath, here’s what experts say to watch out for.
- Visit Insider’s homepage for more stories.
Though no one wants to think of themselves as a bad kisser, for some, it can be surprisingly hard to master.
Insider spoke with relationship experts and sex educators to identify a few signs that you’re a bad kisser and what you can do about it. A lot of it comes down to your partner and their enjoyment – or lack thereof.
Here are some signs your partner might not enjoy kissing you.
People often cut kisses with you short
Getting lost in a great kiss can be heavenly, so if you notice that your partner seems like they just can’t wait to escape, you might want to take that as a hint.
“Kissing is a great way to connect romantically, and if you have ever kissed someone who is good at it, you just want to keep going and going. If people kiss you briefly or seem to avoid kissing, then you’re probably not a very good kisser,” certified counselor and relationship expert David Bennet told Insider.
Evasive maneuvers such as diverting a kiss to their cheek or neck might also indicate that kissing you isn’t much fun. If you notice this pattern, it could be time to talk to your partner about any concerns.
You notice your partner wiping their face after kissing
One sign of bad kissing might be catching your partner wiping off their face when you’re done making out.
“Lots of tongue action and wet lips lead to a wet face, and unless your partner considers that a turn on, you’re probably going overboard,” Kayla Lords, writer and sex expert for Jack and Jill, told Insider.
Everyone is different and some partners may really love wet, sloppy kisses. However, unless this technique has received an explicit thumbs-up from your date, you might want to keep things a little tidier (i.e. drier) the next time you lock lips.
Your partner always gasps for breath after kissing you
You want your kisses to leave your date breathless, but not literally. If you find your partner is always left panting for breath after kissing you, it may be a sign that your style is so aggressive that they’re not able to breathe properly during the kiss.
Read more: 9 things you’re doing wrong when you kiss
Brief pauses during a makeout session can allow anticipation to build, as well as give the participants a chance to get some oxygen.
Your partner subtly pulls away when you touch the back of their head
Mayla Green, resident sex coach at The Adult Toy Shop, told Insider that one way to gauge your partner’s enjoyment during a kiss is to gently place one hand on the back of their head.
“If the kiss is unpleasant, they will naturally try to pull back and you will feel the pressure on your hand as they attempt to move their head away. On the other hand, if they appreciate your kissing technique, they will stay planted right up next to your face and you won’t feel their head pushing on your hand,” explained Green.
Green cautioned that the aim is not to trap your partner in a kiss, but to read their body language. Avoid placing both hands on the back of your partner’s head, as that may feel too aggressive or controlling.
You’ve never asked anyone for feedback on your kissing
In general, people don’t like to make their romantic partners feel inadequate or embarrassed. This means that unless you ask for feedback on your kissing style, you might never get it.
“When in doubt, it wouldn’t hurt to ask your partner if you’re a good kisser,” advised August McLaughlin, author of “Girl Boner: The Good Girl’s Guide to Sexual Empowerment.” “You could say something like, ‘This is a little embarrassing for me to say, but I feel a little self-judgmental sometimes and want to make sure you’re enjoying our kissing as much as I am. Could we talk about that?'”
If you’d rather avoid a full conversation about your kissing technique, you could also ask your partner to simply show you how they love to be kissed.
You’re not enjoying it yourself
- Christian Hartmann/Reuters
It might sound counterintuitive, but if you’re not enjoying yourself while kissing someone, it might be a sign that you need to hone your skills.
“Much of what makes someone a good kisser isn’t merely tending to another person’s pleasure, but prioritizing your own. The more you enjoy kissing, the more likely you’ll be to please whoever you kiss,” McLaughlin told Insider.
After all, the goal of kissing well isn’t simply to please the other person but to promote mutual connection and delight. Work on figuring out what makes you weak in the knees before worrying about anything else.
They told you that you’re a bad kisser
- Emma McIntyre/Getty Images
Even if you think you’re a fantastic kisser, listening to what the other person has to say about your style can help you learn their particular preferences and correct anything about your kissing that might be a turn-off.